


Miracles

by Rae325



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-12
Updated: 2013-12-24
Packaged: 2018-01-04 11:45:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1080637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rae325/pseuds/Rae325
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times that River and the Doctor visit the Ponds in New York</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_"The universe is big. It's vast and complicated and ridiculous. And sometimes, very rarely, impossible things just happen and we call them miracles." - Doctor Who_

* * *

Amy and Rory are painting the walls of the extra room in their new home (the one so obviously meant for a child) when they see a familiar flash of light. And there in doorway of the would-be nursery is their daughter.

Amy freezes in disbelief. It's been nearly 10 years since she saw River. Ten years and one war that felt like it changed the world. Amy is snapped out of her trance by the sight of Rory running forward to pull River into his arms. She's real, Amy realizes as she listens to Rory begin to cry into their daughter's shoulder.

Amy walks over to them slowly, unable to shake the thought that the moment she touches River, she will simply melt like the baby Amy once held at Demon's run. River and Rory reach out immediately, pulling Amy into a hug so long overdue. Amy revels in the way her daughter is holding her tightly – always so very strong and brave, Amy's little girl. Brave, just like Amy had told her to be as a baby.

It isn't until Amy pulls back so that she can look at River properly that she notices the tear tracks down her daughter's face. River cries so quietly, so stoically. She cries exactly the same way now that she had when she'd been Mels. Amy wipes the tears away.

"You look so young," Amy whispers, her palm cupping River's cheek.

"I'm really not," River says with a smile that makes Amy wonder just how old her daughter is now.

"I don't understand," Amy says, though really it matters little what her daughter looks like. Amy has seen her with three faces, what's a few lines compared to that.

"I'll explain, I promise," River says. "Tea first though?"

"Oh, of course," Amy tells River, grabbing her hand and leading her towards the kitchen. "We're not done unpacking, so you'll have to ignore the boxes."

River just smiles, still hardly able to believe that she has finally found her way back to her parents.

"How did you get here?" Rory asks incredulously once he's taken a seat next to River at the kitchen table.

"Vortex manipulator. I would have come sooner, but this was the first year I was able to get through without threatening to destroy New York."

Rory laughs and cries simultaneously, and he feels so much like he did when he first held River as a baby, completely unable to contain his emotions in the wake of his daughter's presence. "I learned to wait thanks to your mother," Rory replies, earning himself a smack on the arm from his wife. "I'm just so pleased you made it here."

"So am I Dad."

 _Dad_. Rory loves the sound of that word.

Amy joins them at the table as soon as she's set the teakettle on the stove. She reaches out for River's hand. "Melody," she whispers, glad that River indulges Amy's desire to call her by her childhood name.

"I'm so sorry I couldn't find a way to come sooner Mother."

Amy shakes her head. "It doesn't matter." She notices the sadness etched on River's face. "How long has it been for you?"

"A long time."

"You're here now," Amy says, squeezing River's hand tighter.

"I am."

"Now tell us how you've been," Amy says.

"Well, I was dead for a while," River begins, earning her gasps of horror from both of her parents. "Don't worry. I'm not anymore. Obviously."

"Taking after your old Dad," Rory says.

River laughs until her stomach aches. She's missed him so much. Missed them both so much.

"What happened?" Amy asks, still looking horrified and clearly not seeing the humor in the situation.

"I was stuck in a computer for a while until the Doctor showed up."

"He saved you," Amy says with a smile. She's never loved the Doctor more.

River shakes her head. "No. He tried, and then he damn near got himself stuck in there too. I had to save us both."

"That's my girl," Rory says proudly.

"I ended up a bit younger looking and a lot more time lord, but no worse for the wear really."

"And the Doctor…" Amy begins. She imagines that he and River are still together and happy since the mere mention of his name makes River smile. But Amy can't quite figure out why her old friend isn't here now.

"Oh he's exactly the same," River says with so much fondness. "I promise to bring him with me next time I visit. I just wanted a little time for the three of us first."

"Is he taking care of you properly?" Rory asks, the perfect picture of a concerned father.

"He's been driving me crazier than usual recently," River says, as anxiety begins to stir in her chest.

"Is he wearing a fez again?" Amy jokes, but River looks suddenly rather serious.

"Something's happened. When I came back, the changes to my biology, well they made it so that the Doctor and I are more…compatible."

"Are you…" Amy whispers.

"Pregnant," River replies with a nod, apprehension written across her face.

The kettle chooses the perfect dramatic moment to whistle loudly, and Amy springs from her seat to fetch it.

"Congratulations River!" Rory says, looking her over for any obvious signs of her pregnancy. He wonders exactly how long it takes to gestate a time lord baby. He decides to ignore the fact for now that his daughter is pregnant with an alien.

Amy fixes River's tea exactly as she likes it, studying her little girl while making the tea. "Are you upset?" Amy asks cautiously when she places the cup in front of River.

River shrugs, and oh, she just looks so young and afraid.

"Do you not want to be a mother?" Amy asks, the question making her ache. She wants to have a child so badly, has wanted to give her husband a baby since before they ended up in this time. But she can't think of that now. Her daughter needs her.

"What do I know about being a mother?" River asks.

"Are you joking?" Rory asks. River looks at him quizzically. "You were always taking care of me when we were little. Remember when you beat up Andrew McMillan because he teased me?"

River smiles. "Only Amy and I were allowed to tease you."

"She's still quite good at it by the way." Amy smacks his arm again. "Ow!" Rory shakes his head and turns back to his daughter. "I'll never forget that you were the one who helped me when my mum died. You were always there for me River. You came to my house every day with these terrible cookies that you baked yourself and just stayed with me. To the rest of the world you were this rebellious troublemaker, but I got to see a whole other side of you. I have no doubt that you will be an amazing mother."

"He's right you know," Amy chimes in before River has a chance to argue. "You always took care of me too. As River and as Mels. You've been more of a mother to me than I've been to you really."

"That isn't true," River says, taking Amy's hand again.

"How far along are you?" Amy asks.

"Two months."

"And is it like a human pregnancy?" Rory asks timidly.

River laughs lightly. "Yes Dad."

"You can come visit now, yea?" Amy asks. "We'll get to be proper grandparents?"

River feels herself tearing up at her parents' enthusiasm and their faith in her. She nods at them, not fully sure she can speak yet without her voice shaking.

"We are going to spoil this baby rotten," Amy declares happily.


	2. Chapter 2

The TARDIS appears in the hallway of the Ponds' quiet home in Queens the morning after River had left, exactly as promised.

Amy wastes no time running into the blue box that had once been her home.

"Pond!" the Doctor shouts, pulling Amy into a hug that lifts her off her feet.

Rory follows behind his wife a moment later. It's as if he never left. Everything looks identical, right down to the Doctor. And then Rory spots River, still fiddling with the controls. River looks so very different.

"River," Rory whispers in shock (though really, he should stop being so surprised by time travel one of these days).

River smiles at her father and walks forward to meet him. "Eight months," she says, the smile spreading wider across her cheeks. She looks happier than Rory can ever remember seeing her.

"Oh my God!" Amy screams, finally seeing her daughter.

A second later River is engulfed in the most awkward hug she's ever had as both her parents try to figure out how to wrap their arms around her with her very pregnant stomach.

"These are your grandparents Emma," River tells her baby.

"Emma?" Rory asks. "You're having a girl."

"Yes."

"We're going to have a granddaughter!" Amy exclaims.

The Doctor can't take it anymore, and he stops fighting the urge to throw his arms around all three Ponds (four if he's counting his little Pond growing inside River). "Ponds! My Ponds!"

* * *

"Tell us Doctor, what have you been up to?" Amy asks setting a tray of tea and biscuits on the table. She pushes the plate of Linzer tarts towards the Doctor.

"Jammy dodgers!" he exclaims reaching out for a biscuit.

"Better," Amy tells him, picking one up for herself. "Now tell us what you've been doing since we last saw you."

He looks at River with a goofy little smile. "Oh, just settling into the quiet life with your daughter." He takes a bite of the Linzer tart – so much better than a jammy dodger indeed! He presses the other half of the biscuit into River's mouth before reaching for another one for himself.

"Quiet life with River?" Rory asks. "I doubt that."

"Oh I don't know," the Doctor says teasingly. "She's really mellowed in her old age."

"Pardon me?" River says, raising an eyebrow at her husband. "I am only 426."

"426?!" Amy asks.

"I know, so young," River says lightly. Emma kicks softly at River's side, and she pulls the Doctor's hand to rest with her own on her belly.

"Is she kicking?" Amy asks, amazed by the scene in front of her.

"Do you want to feel?" River asks.

"Oh no, it's all right," Amy replies shyly.

"Come here," River insists, and Amy settles herself next to River on the couch. The Doctor lets his hand drop away from his wife's stomach so that Amy can feel the baby's soft kicks.

"It's amazing," Amy whispers, overwhelmed by the sadness of not being able to remember this with River, of never having it again. River's hand is on Amy's shoulder, squeezing tightly, and Amy hates that her daughter is once again being the strong one for her.

Amy forces herself to smile. "My granddaughter is going to be just as amazing as her mother," she declares.

"Hey!" The Doctor says, "Don't forget about her father. That baby is half mine."

"Of course sweetie," River says, patting her husband's knee.

* * *

Rory pours himself a cup of milk. The dreams that have haunted his sleep since he's been home from war have once again woken him tonight, and as usual he finds himself reluctant to return to sleep.

Rory spots his daughter sitting on the bench swing in his small backyard, a stack of papers and a red pen in her lap.

"Mind if I join you?" Rory asks, poking his head out the door.

"Not at all," River says, setting the papers down. Rory sits besides her. "I was just trying to finish my grading."

"Are you going to keep teaching once Emma is born?"

"Well as soon as I finish these papers here, I'll be on maternity leave. I'm sure that I'll go back eventually. I can't spend all my time flying around in the TARDIS."

"What about the Doctor?"

"Still hates archeology I'm afraid."

"No, I mean does he still travel."

"Of course, though he isn't going to for a while once we have Emma."

"It must be hard for you," Rory says, remembering River's sadness at being apart from her husband.

"Oh no!" River says, smiling at her father. "It's so different now. We're always linear. We each have our day jobs, but we still travel together a lot, and we sleep in the same bed every night. Actually neither of us needs much sleep, but we find other things to keep us busy in bed."

"Lalalalala," Rory says, pressing his hands to his ears. "Things a father doesn't need to know." River laughs richly though, and Rory can't help but smile. "So it's like a proper marriage now?" he asks.

River nods. "He's still the Doctor, and I'm still me, so we aren't exactly a boring old married couple. But we are properly together, and we are happy."

"Good."

River catches sight of her watch. "What are you doing awake at three in the morning?"

"I couldn't sleep."

"Are you alright?" River asks, seeing the dark circles under Rory's eyes.

"Oh yeah, fine. I just don't sleep as well as I used to is all."

"As well as you did before the war?" River asks.

Rory nods, staring up at the night sky silently for a few minutes before speaking. "I had never seen anything like it River. I've been home two and a half years, and I still have nightmares."

River reaches out for Rory, her hand coming to rest comfortingly on his arm. She squeezes gently, the same quiet steady comfort that Rory remembers from his friend Mels. He feels a rush of gratitude that River had managed to make herself a constant presence in his life.

"How long were you over there?" River asks, her voice strong and calming.

"Three years in total. Two years in Europe and a year in the East. I was a nurse though; it isn't as though I saw combat."

"You saw too much," River says firmly.

"The soldiers had it so much worse."

"Rationalizing the nightmares away doesn't work," River says. Rory turns to his daughter, and he understands instantly that she is speaking from her own experience. He wants to ask what haunts River's dreams, but her eyes are pleading with him not to talk about this.

Rory places his hand on top of River's, nodding his understanding. He's rewarded with a soft smile from his daughter. "When I need to be strong, I think about you, you know?"

"Me?" Rory asks incredulously.

"You have always been so brave, and you always put your family first. I've tried very hard to live up to your example."

Rory looks River over. She has always been impossibly strong, even when he knew she was breaking inside. "I want you to make me a promise, River. Remember that you don't always need to be strong? You're right that my family comes first, and I never got to take care of you when you were a baby. Please let me do it now."

"Only if you make me the same promise."

"You're my child. It isn't your job to take care of me."

"I'm your best friend too," River reminds Rory.

"Yes you are. Do you know how proud I am of you?"

"I'm proud of you too. You're still the bravest man I know."

Rory wraps his arms around his daughter. He's wanted children since he was just a little boy, and though he had never imagined that it would be like this, he can't imagine a better child that the one wrapped in his arms.

* * *

River watches her father disappear into his house to try to get some rest. Her hearts ache for him, and she soothes herself the best way she knows how these days, by pressing her hand firmly to her stomach and feeling her baby moving. "I can't wait to meet you Emma," she whispers. "I don't know how good I'll be at being a mother. It might take me a little while to learn, and for that I am very sorry. But I promise you that you will always be so loved Emma. And your daddy and I will never let you be alone." The kicks grow stronger against River's hand. "Shall we go find your daddy?" River asks, picking up her stack of papers and heading for the TARDIS.

"Sweetie?" River yells when she doesn't see the Doctor in the control room. She walks down the hallway towards the room that she and the Doctor are in the process of turning into a nursery.

River still wonders whether the time vortex is the proper place for a baby. She and the Doctor share a perfectly lovely house on Luna, in which they have already prepared a room for their child. But the TARDIS is such an essential part of River's life and the Doctor's life. This had been the first place that River truly felt at home. In Berlin, when River had been so terribly lost, the TARDIS had embraced her just as completely as the Doctor had that day. River wonders if the old girl will offer Emma that same peace.

River follows the sound of her husband's voice (he's always talking, even if there's no one there to listen, she muses with a smile) to Emma's room. Her husband seems lost in thought, staring down into his old cot.

"Hello sweetie," River says, her smile bright when the Doctor looks up at her.

She is so beautiful like this. The Doctor truly didn't think he could possibly love River Song anymore, but pregnant with his daughter, she is somehow more amazing. "Hi honey."

River pads over to the Doctor. "We aught to stop picking up toys," River muses as she looks around the overly crowded room.

"What happened to our plan? At least one toy from every galaxy in the universe."

"We'll need a bigger room."

"I'm sure the old girl can make us a storage room, can't you sexy?"

River chuckles as she wraps her arm around her husband's waist. She reaches out to touch the side of the cot in front of her where her daughter's Gallifreyan name is painted in gold. River lets her fingers linger over the word as she thinks of the baby that will be sleeping in this cot so very soon.

River's fingers move over to the names of the Doctor's other children; she caresses each of the words in turn. The Doctor rarely speaks of the children that he'd had on Gallifrey, but River knows that he loves them as much now as when he had held them in his arms a millennium ago.

When River looks up at her husband a moment later, his eyes are wet and he is looking at her with so much love and wonder. River pulls the Doctor to her for a kiss.

The Doctor pulls back to look at River, her face cupped in his hands. For the first time in over a thousand years, he has a partner to challenge him and make him laugh and love him despite all the reason that she shouldn't. With a smile and a soft bop on River's nose, the Doctor pulls his gaze from her eyes so that he can kneel down to eye level with River's stomach.

"Hi Emma," he says, pressing a kiss to River's stomach. "What do you think of your room on the TARDIS? Are there enough toys? Because your mummy's trying to be a spoilsport…No, you're right, she is a lot of fun."

River rolls her eyes at the Doctor's continued insistence that he speaks baby and weaves her fingers into her husband's hair.

"We are going to take you on so many adventures little one. Did you know that there's a whole planet with nothing but amusement parks? Mum and I just found it, and as soon as you're old enough we are going to take you there. Oh, and we can go to Calderon Beta. That's where your mummy and I had our first proper date. It's also probably where we made you."

"Maybe you don't want to mention that to Emma sweetie."

"Oh, yeah, right. I suppose that is the sort of thing a child doesn't want to know about her parents."

"Probably not my love," River says as her fingers continue to stroke her husband's hair and the sides of his face.

"Just you wait Emma," the Doctor says, tapping his fingers against River's belly. "You and mummy and me. You watch us run."

* * *

Amy finds the Doctor alone the day before he and River are planning to leave New York. They're on their way to the Sisters of the Infinite Schism so that River can deliver the baby somewhere that won't be utterly confused by a child with two hearts. Amy wishes that she and Rory could go too, but River had promised to come back as soon as she and Emma could travel so that Amy could meet her granddaughter.

"Hello Raggedy Man," Amy says, walking up besides the Doctor in her kitchen. He's gorging himself on Linzer tarts, and Amy thinks of that night so long ago when he had first sat in her kitchen in Leadworth.

"Hello Pond," the Doctor says cheerfully. But his old friend is so different from how he remembers her. There are proper lines around her eyes now, and she lacks the childish wonder he had always associated with her as a young woman.

"Can I ask you something," Amy says. This question has been eating at her since she first saw River again. "How did River die?" The words feel like acid in her throat. Even though River is alive and well now, the fact that she had died, had been dead for a century makes Amy feel sick.

The Doctor stops eating his biscuit and turns to Amy. "Your daughter is the most amazing woman I have ever known. She died saving 4,022 people. And me."

Tears spill from Amy's eyes. "But she's alright now?"

"She's perfect," the Doctor says, his eyes lighting up as he speaks of his wife.

"And is she a time lord now?"

"Not exactly. I gave her half of my regenerations, so she's more like me."

"She'll outlive me by a long time then."

"Don't talk like that," the Doctor says, unable to face the idea of his Amelia Pond growing old and dying.

"I'm human Doctor. And River is going to live for a very long time."

"Yes."

"I need you to promise that you are going to take care of her. I know that she's strong Doctor and that she takes care of you, but sometimes she needs looking after too."

"I promise you Amelia Pond. I swear it on fish fingers and custard."

"That's all I can ask," Amy says, her face lighting up with a smile that offers a hint of the girl she had once been.


	3. Chapter 3

"Emma drive!" the toddler yells running through the console room with her mother following behind.

"This is a very delicate landing my little one," the Doctor tells his daughter from the controls of the TARDIS.

"Emma drive!" Emma demands again as River scoops the girl up in her arms.

"You know my love," River says to her daughter, "I think you are absolutely correct. Daddy needs some help."

River grins widely at her husband as she pushes him out of the way of the control panel and pulls down the scanner. "Look at this Emma," River says pointing up at the monitor. This map shows where we are in the vortex. This is our destination – Christmas Eve 1950; Bayside, New York."

"Grandma and Grandpa!" Emma cheers, clapping her hands.

"That's right. We're going to see Grandma and Grandpa. Now we are just going to reroute the TARDIS so that she doesn't end up in the East River."

"Oi, River. The TARDIS does not need rerouting! Do not listen to your mother Emma."

Emma giggles at her daddy.

"Of course not sweetie," River humors her husband as she proceeds to punch in the correct algorithm to land them inside Amy and Rory's house.

Their landing a minute later is so smooth that the only way they can tell they've left the vortex is the fact that the monitor alerts them to having arrived at their destination. River flashes her husband a self-satisfied smile.

"I piloted the TARDIS for hundreds of years without your help, River Song!"

"Yes, but now that you have me you don't need to worry about landing in the wrong century anymore," River teases, pressing her lips to the Doctor's for a kiss.

The Doctor practically bounces towards the doors of the TARDIS, so very excited to see Amy and Rory. River follows behind him, her smile bright at her husband's happiness. "Don't worry honey," River whispers to her daughter conspiratorially. "Mummy will teach you how to drive."

"I heard that River!"

* * *

Amy can't stop peeking out of the kitchen to steal glances of River and the Doctor. It's been almost three years since River returned to Amy and Rory, and Amy still can't entirely believe how changed River and the Doctor are from the people Amy knew from her days on the TARDIS. It had been all flirting and teasing then. River gazing at the Doctor with so much love and aching longing. The Doctor trying not to fall desperately in love. Amy had so rarely seen River and the Doctor at the same place in their timelines.

Linearity suits them, Amy thinks. The Doctor and River barely stop touching now. Hands linger on each other's backs. Hips press together like magnets. Fingers weave themselves into hair without any thought.

The Doctor and River are snuggled together on Amy and Rory's couch, and Amy still can't fully wrap her mind around these two being snugglers. But the Doctor's arm is around River's shoulders, her body pressed firmly against his. Emma is sprawled across her mother's chest, sleeping soundly.

River looks so peaceful, finally free from the dread of wondering when she would lose the husband who knew and loved her. Her face is pressed into the Doctor's neck, and he can't stop staring at her and Emma like they are the most amazing, unbelievable things he has ever seen.

"Sweetie," River whispers.

"Yes dear."

"Would you mind fetching me a cup of tea? I don't think I can move without waking her, and I'm afraid that I'm about to fall asleep myself if I don't have some caffeine."

Amy pops her head into the living room. "I'll get it," she tells River.

"Thanks Mum."

"Doctor, do you want anything?"

"Do you have any cocoa?" he asks, eyes lighting up like a child.

"Of course. We knew you were coming, didn't we?"

"With marshmallows and whipped cream?"

"Yes Doctor."

Amy disappears into the kitchen again, and River chuckles against her husband's neck. "I'm lucky I can get Emma to eat any vegetables at all with the example you set."

"I eat vegetables."

"Chips do not count as a vegetable."

" 'Course they do River."

"The water's on the stove," Amy tells the squabbling couple as she and Rory walk back into the room.

"Oh good, Amy," the Doctor. "You can settle this for us. Tell River that chips count as a vegetable."

"Sorry Doctor."

"Rory?" the Doctor asks, hoping to find an ally.

"I'm going to have to side with my wife on this one."

River laughs at her husband's exaggerated pout. "Sorry sweetie."

"This isn't over River. We still have to ask Emma when she wakes up."

"She's two. Her vote doesn't count on this one," River insists.

"Does too," the Doctor says.

River just shakes her head, pillowing herself against the Doctor and closing her eyes. Amy watches her daughter – the girl who had been raised to be a weapon, the woman who Amy first met chasing angels across space and time – sitting contentedly with her daughter and her husband. Time has changed River so much. Time and love – there has been so much love in River's life, Amy realizes. It doesn't take away the years that River suffered, but it's something for which Amy will never stop being grateful.

* * *

Amy watches Emma shriek with laughter as the Doctor tosses her up in the air. She's such a happy baby with two parents who adore her and take her on adventures and spoil the hell out of her (even though River would deny ever doing such a thing). The giggles get louder as the Doctor tosses Emma higher and higher, River and Rory watching and smiling while they chat over cups of peppermint tea.

Amy feels frozen at the doorway to the living room, the happy sight in front of her making her ache fiercely for a life she never lived. She and Rory had dreamed of a baby, had talked about it since they were little more than children themselves. They had wanted children – a house full of children, a Christmas tree, and cookies for Santa. Amy knows she should be thankful, because her daughter and her granddaughter are here now. But still it hurts to watch the Doctor and River with this life that Amy will never get to have.

Amy leaves the room quietly, not wanting to sully the happy moment with her sadness. She climbs the stairs as quietly as possible. She just needs a few minutes to feel sorry for herself without bothering anyone.

Amy sits down on her bed and pulls her legs up to her chest, hugging herself tightly as she watches the snow falling outside her window.

"Mum?"

River's voice cuts through Amy's thoughts, and Amy instantly feels guilty for feeling that something is missing when she has River right here. Amy wipes her cheeks, but she knows that her daughter has already seen the tears.

River sits down besides Amy and waits. But Amy doesn't say anything. "What's wrong Mother?"

"I'm just being silly," Amy says.

"Is it Emma?" River asks. This isn't the first time she's seen Amy become tearful at the sight of the baby.

"I'm sorry," Amy says. "I adore her, and I am so happy that you bring her to visit."

"I know," River replies, reassuringly, "but I also know that she reminds you of what you've lost." Amy looks into her daughter's eyes. River has always known too much. "Have you ever thought about having another child?"

Amy's throat feels tight, and she struggles not to start crying again. "I thought you knew," she whispers. "I can't get pregnant."

River takes Amy's hand in hers. "I know. And I am so sorry."

"It's not your fault," Amy says fiercely.

"I'm still sorry. I wish that I could have given you back everything that they took from you."

"I know the feeling." Even if River is happy now and would never change anything about the life that brought her to this moment, Amy can't help but want to take away every hurt that her child experienced.

They sit together in silence for a moment watching the snow falling heavily outside the window.

"You could still have another child," River whispers.

"Rory suggested adopting once. But I…"

"What?"

"You are my daughter."

And River understands then what her mother needs. She turns to Amy with a smile. "Always. And I will always know that you love me. You won't hurt me by having another child."

"I love you so much River. I would never want to change anything about you," Amy tells her daughter, so desperate for her to know that this longing for a baby doesn't mean that Amy would trade the River sitting in front of her now for anything.

River nods, her mother's insistence making her feel like her heart might swell and burst with how loved she is. "I know that you and Dad love me. But it's ok to want another child, and it's ok if you want to have what you didn't get to have with me. I promise."

Amy wraps River up in a tight hug. "My amazing little girl," Amy whispers against River's hair.

River holds on tightly to the woman she had dreamed of as a small girl in an orphanage. And then River had found Amy, but for so long Amy hadn't known who River was, and no matter how hard River tried to be grateful to know her parents at all, she had still longed for this. A mother who knows her and loves her.

Amy pulls back and wipes her cheeks dry. "I'm sorry, River."

"Don't be."

"We should rejoin the party," Amy says, plastering a smile on her face.

"Or we can just sit here for a while if you like."

"Yeah, thanks."

River wraps her arm around Amy's shoulders and the two women sit together watching the snow outside.

* * *

The Doctor wakes up to find the space beside him empty. Today of all days this fills him with terrible fear. He springs from the bed, pulling on the flannel pajamas that Amy and Rory keep for him. He walks into Emma's room to find his baby sleeping soundly. "You sleep little one," he whispers to his daughter. "I'm going to go find Mummy. I have the monitor," he says holding the baby monitor out. "So you just yell if you need us."

The Doctor finds River in the living room, staring out the bay window deep in thought. The Doctor settles himself on the couch beside River, and she offers him a sweet smile. "What are you thinking about my River?"

"A hundred and two years ago for me," River replies.

"Six hundred and eleven for me," the Doctor says, and River watches his eyes fill with tears. December 28th. The day the Doctor met River. The day he watched her die.

River wraps her arm around the Doctor and pulls his head down to rest on her shoulder. "It's ok. I'm here." The Doctor sniffles against her shoulder, and River's fingers begin stroking his hair soothingly. "Shhh sweetie."

River presses her lips to her husband's head. She's only seen him cry a handful of times – most recently when their daughter was born. But she remembers him crying at Darillium like it was yesterday. "You spent centuries knowing how I died," River whispers against the Doctor's hair. "I'm so sorry, my love."

"None of that River Song," the Doctor says sitting back up to look at his wife.

"You hate losing people, but you still chose to love me even though you knew that I would die."

"I don't think I had much of a choice in the matter," the Doctor tells her.

"Of course you did. You could have run."

"From you River? Never."

River smiles, because she has never once doubted the Doctor's love, and the fact that he loved her even with the certainty of her death only proves that further. She had thought for a long time that their whole lives would be back to front. Sometimes she still wakes up and wonders which version of her husband will be there. But he's always  _her_  Doctor now. Each morning and each evening. Her Doctor.


	4. Chapter 4

“Mum, I don’t know what to do now,” Emma says staring at the control panel in front of her.

 

River places a steady hand on her daughter’s back.  “Open your mind, my love.  Let the TARDIS show you.”

 

Emma closes her eyes and concentrates.  Such amazing focus for a six year old, River thinks proudly.

 

“I need to fix the Omega configurations,” Emma says, looking up at her mother with a smile.

 

“Go on,” River encourages. River watches over Emma’s shoulder, her daughter’s brilliant mind working quickly to correct the TARDIS’ route.  “Perfect,” River whispers, her hand running through Emma’s blonde curls.

 

The Doctor watches his wife and daughter from the doorway of the console room.  Daughters of the TARDIS, created in the vortex, with time and space running through their veins.  River had confided in the Doctor when she had finally begun to share the few stories she remembered of her childhood with him that she had been shown the untempered schism every night in an attempt to make her more and more time lord.  It had comforted River more than anything else she could remember as a child, made her feel at home and at peace.

 

It’s something that the Doctor can’t entirely understand, because the enormous power of the untempered schism had terrified him so much that he had run.  It had taken centuries of lessons at the time lord academy and centuries of practice to learn the TARDIS.  But his ship had taught River in an instant and now the old girl teaches Emma with the same psychic connection.

 

“Look how clever you are!” the Doctor exclaims, walking into the control room.

 

Emma beams at her father.  “Thanks Daddy.”

 

“It is simply the truth,” the Doctor tells his daughter with a bop on the nose.

 

The Doctor’s arms wrap around River’s waist from behind, and he plants a kiss on her temple.  “Honey, have you seen my blue polka dot bowtie?”

 

River turns in her husband’s arms and presses her lips to the Doctor’s ear to whisper, “It was around your wrists last I saw it.”

 

The Doctor’s face instantly turns a bright shade of red causing River to giggle with delight.  Four hundred years together and she can still make him blush.

 

“My bad, bad girl.”

 

“Exactly how you like me.”  River presses her lips to her husband’s before telling him, “You aught to go find your bowtie.  We’re nearly at my parents’ house, and it would shock them so to see you without one.”  

 

River turns back to Emma when the Doctor walks away.  “Are you ready to meet your uncle?”

 

“Yeah.  Do you think he’ll like me?”

 

“Of course Em.  You are going to be the best older niece that anyone could ask for.  Once he gets a little bigger you can help teach him to read and ride a bicycle.”

 

“I’ve never held a little baby before.”

 

“That’s ok.  I’ll show you how.”  River pulls her daughter to her side, giving her a squeeze and a kiss on the crown of her head.  “Love you.”

 

“I love you too Mummy.”

 

River grins widely when the Doctor returns to the console room, blue polka dot time around his neck.  “Shall we go meet the newest Pond?”

* * *

 

 

 

Rory and Amy are too busy cooing over their new three-month-old baby to hear the noise of the TARDIS.

 

The Doctor spots Rory first.  He’s wearing a pair of pajamas and mismatched socks and looks like he has barely slept in days.  “Hello Ponds!”

 

“Doctor,” Amy says, turning towards where he, River, and Emma are stepping out of the TARDIS.  “Oh, I completely forgot that you were all coming today.  I’m so sorry!  Look at this place.  I’ll just tidy up a bit.”

 

“That’s not necessary,” River tells her mother, walking over to get a closer look at the baby fussing in Amy’s arms.  “Hi there Anthony,” River says, stroking his soft hair.  “I’m your sister.”

 

“He likes you,” Amy says when Anthony quiets immediately.

 

“You look absolutely exhausted,” River tells her mother.

 

“First week with Anthony.  I must say that having an infant is a bit different from having a grown daughter who kicks ass and travels in time.”

 

River laughs at her mother’s remark.  “Would you like me to take him for a bit?  You and Dad look like you could use a shower or a nap.”

 

“Oh no, you just got here.  I couldn’t ask you to do that.”

 

“I would love to,” River says.  “It’ll give me a chance to get to know my little brother.  Believe me, I know how exhausting the first week is.”  River turns to her daughter, runs her hand through the girl’s hair adoringly.  “I’m part time lord and having a new baby still wore me out.  You should go have that nap.  The Doctor, Emma, and I can take care of Anthony for a bit.  I promise.”

 

“Are you sure you wouldn’t mind?”

 

“Not at all,” River says, reaching out to take the baby from Amy’s arms.  Anthony fusses for a second before settling into his sister’s arms.  “He’ll be just fine,” River tells Amy.

 

“Thanks,” Amy says, too exhausted to refuse the offer of a few minutes without a baby in her arms.

 

“Thanks River,” Rory adds, clasping River’s arm as he passes her.  “Come on Amy.”

 

Once Amy and Rory have left the room, the Doctor bounces over to River like an excited child.  “Hello little Pond!”

 

River sits down on the couch with the Doctor trailing behind.  “Come here Em.  Your uncle wants to meet you.”  River taps the spot beside her, and Emma sits down to look at the baby.

 

“He’s so little.”

 

“Just like you were,” the Doctor says, reaching across River and Anthony to bop Emma on the nose.

 

Emma reaches for Anthony’s hand.  “Nice to meet you.  I’m Emma.  I’m your niece.”

 

“You two are going to get on famously,” the Doctor says.  “You can teach him all about time and space.”

 

“When do humans start talking?” Emma asks.

 

“He won’t start talking for a few more months,” the Doctor replies.  “They’re a little slower to develop than time lords.”

 

“And time ladies,” Emma adds.

 

“And time ladies, my little time princess.”

* * *

 

 

 

The Doctor had declared it Pond family movie night.  They had made it through a movie and a half before Emma had fallen asleep with her head in River’s lap and her legs sprawled across the Doctor.  The first movie had been _Indiana Jones_ – River’s choice, she loves a good kick ass archeologist.  Next was _Stuart Little_ , and really it shouldn’t have affected Amy.  It’s a cartoon about a mouse, but there was an orphanage, and she can’t stop her brain from wondering what it did to her son to spend the first three months of his life in an orphanage.

 

“What’s wrong Amy?” Rory asks when the movie ends and he notices Amy chewing on her lip.

 

“I’m being stupid.”

 

“Tell me.”

 

“I’m just wondering about what this little guy went through when he was in the orphanage,” she says looking down at the baby in the bassinet beside her.  “I mean, he spent three months there Rory.  You hear all those stories about kids who grew up in orphanages and were never quite right.”

 

“He was only in the orphanage for a couple of months Amy.  Those stories are about kids who spend their whole childhoods in those places.”

 

River watches Amy’s expression darken.  “Doctor,” River whispers.  “Do you mind putting Emma to bed?”

 

“Of course not,” the Doctor replies looking down at his sleeping daughter.  He reaches over to River, his hand cupping her cheek and pulling her to him for a kiss.  River smiles, her forehead pressed to the Doctor for a moment before separating from her husband so that he can pick up Emma.  She stirs only slightly, wrapping her arms around father’s neck.  The Doctor stands and presses a soft kiss to his little girl’s forehead as he walks up the stairs.

 

River watches the Doctor as he leaves the room, the sight of him with their daughter bringing a smile to her face as it always does.  Once they disappear from view, River turns back to her parents. 

 

Amy’s eyes are shining with tears as she stares at River.  “Mother,” River says, moving to sit next to her. 

 

River exudes confidence and wisdom beside Amy, and Amy can still see so clearly in her mind the orphanage in Florida where River had grown up, the awful writing on the walls, the bare room where her daughter had lived the first eight years of her life.  “You spent your childhood in an orphanage,” Amy whispers.

 

“One of my childhoods,” River says lightly.

 

“And then the other with a foster family.  They worked for the Silence didn’t they?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“You went through so much worse than just an orphanage, I know that River.  Even if you won’t tell me what they did to you, I know it was horrible.  Don’t deny it.”

 

“I’m not,” River replies as she reaches out to take Amy’s hand. “You also know that I’m happy now.  You helped me be ok, and you will help Anthony too.”

 

“Sometimes I still have dreams about saving you,” Amy tells River tearfully.  “Instead of shooting at you in that warehouse, I grab you and bring you back to the TARDIS and never let you go.”

 

“Mother.” River sighs.  “It’s the past.”

 

“That stopped meaning anything the moment the TARDIS showed up in my yard.”

 

“You have a baby now, and he is absolutely beautiful.”

 

It does nothing to console Amy, however.  “I never got to hold you, not really.”

 

River doesn’t know what to do; she’s never been one for big speeches.  She’s tried a few times, but it’s more her husband’s domain really.  She pulls Amy to her for a hug.  “You can hold me any time you want.  I know it won’t give you back the time you never had with me as a baby, and I am so sorry.”

 

“It’s not your fault,” Amy tells her daughter, but River feels sick, because she still wonders whether she should have let her husband find her so many years ago.

* * *

 

 

 

The Doctor finds River sitting on the bench in backyard.  Her shoulders are hunched, and he knows that means that she’s trying her hardest not to cry.  The Doctor sits beside River, and he wants so badly to make up for each moment she spent alone, to give her the same comfort she gives him each day.

 

“Sometimes I wonder if I should have let you save me when I was a baby.”

 

“What happened?” the Doctor asks, wrapping his arm around River’s shoulders.

 

“Were we selfish?  To choose our own happiness over theirs.”

 

“I don’t even think it would have been possible to rewrite your childhood.  There are too many fixed points in your timeline.”

 

River leans forward, resting her face in her hands.  “I hurt Amy and Rory so much,” she whispers.

 

“No _you_ didn’t.  If anyone is to blame for what happened to you it’s me River.  I’m the reason that you suffered, the reason that your parents didn’t get to raise you.”

 

River shakes her head at her husband’s guilt and settles herself against his chest.

 

The Doctor loves the tickle of his wife’s hair against his face as it blows in the spring breeze.  “Do you remember what you told me when I begged you to let me save you?” he asks.  River nods.  Even though it was two centuries ago, she still remembers their fight that day.  She had insisted that this was her choice to make.  She had so little say in her early life, and she would be damned if she let someone make one more decision for her.  She loved her life, and no one would take it from her.  “You were right then.”

 

“I usually am,” River replies lightly, but the Doctor can as always see the pain underneath the teasing.

 

“It’s your life and your choice.  All your parents want is for you to be happy.”

 

“But my happiness is at their expense.”

 

“They love you River.  Exactly as you are now.  And that woman would cease to exist if we went back and rewrote your timeline.”  A shiver runs through the Doctor at the thought.  “The idea of writing you out of existence is unthinkable dear.”

 

Just the sentence makes the Doctor tearful, and that is a sight that never fails to break River’s hearts.  “Hush now sweetie,” River says, hands moving to cup the Doctor’s face, gazing at him with the same incredible love that the Doctor has always seen in River’s eyes.  She presses her lips to his, and the feel of her is warm and comforting and it makes his whole body hum.

 

“Bed,” River moans against him, and the Doctor springs from the bench, pulling River behind him, her giggles ringing out through the yard.

 

They practically collide with Rory, who is standing in the doorway to the house.  “Sorry,” Rory says, not expecting the Doctor and River’s talk to have taken this turn. 

 

“You all right Rory?” the Doctor asks.

 

“Can I have a minute with my daughter?”

 

The Doctor looks at his wife and she nods her permission. 

 

“Thank you Doctor,” Rory says as the other man walks up the stairs.

 

River and Rory walk inside and settle on the couch in the living room.

 

“It’s all rubbish you know?” Rory says.

 

“What is?”

 

“Everything you just told the Doctor.”  River looks at her father with a surprised smile.  “Sorry,” Rory continues.  “I might have listened in just a bit.”

 

“It’s all right.”

 

Rory suddenly looks at River completely seriously. “I never want to hear you say that you feel guilty for living a life that makes you happy again.”  River wants to tease Rory for his stern father act, but oh, the tears are welling in her eyes and she isn’t sure if she will be able to speak without beginning to cry in earnest.  “I know that you had a terrible childhood, and if you are willing to endure that to have everything you do now, then you must be happy.”

 

River nods.  Her hearts feel so very full of love for Rory.  He’s always been the stable one, the one who stayed strong for Amy, the mature and rational one.  It’s a role that River fills in her marriage, and though she never regrets it, she loves having a father who can be strong for her too.  “I am very happy.”

 

“What more could a father want than for his child to be happy?”  River is properly crying now, and Rory reaches forward to wipe the tears from her cheeks.  “I wouldn’t change a single thing about you River. You are my daughter and my best friend, and if rewriting your timeline means changing who you are then I would never want that.  I know that our relationship isn’t exactly normal, but I wouldn’t change it for anything.  I’m sorry if you didn’t know that before.”

 

“I do know.  It’s just…”

 

“Yeah,” Rory agrees.  “Amy just wishes that she could have made things better for you, that’s all.”

 

“You both did.  You were the first people in my life who cared for me.”

 

“Always River.”

 

“I know Dad.”

* * *

 

 

 

“Hi honey,” the Doctor says, looking up from his book when River enters the bedroom.

 

River smiles softly at him.  She wastes no time at pulling off her trousers and jumper, leaving them in a pile next to the bed.  No matter how cold it is, River refuses to sleep in more than a tank top and knickers.  When the Doctor had asked River about her apparent hatred of pajamas she had admitted with a bit of embarrassment that she longed for the feel of her skin pressed against his body.

 

River slips into bed next to the Doctor.  She wraps her arms around his chest, her feet nudging at the bottoms of his pajamas and seeking the warmth of his skin.  The Doctor smiles as his wife nuzzles into him, practically purring into his neck.

 

He can feel her calm next to him, feel the sadness and the worry slip away.  Her thoughts echo in his head:  her love for him, the peace she feels with him beside her.  It still brings tears to the Doctor’s eyes.  River knows him, all of him, even the very worst, and still she trusts him completely.  She opens her mind to him freely, and he thinks it may be the most wonderful gift he has ever received. 

 

The Doctor wraps his arms around his wife, his hands snaking under her shirt to caress the soft skin of her back.  “Are you ok?”

 

She answers without words.  Her mind reaching for his.  She repeats his name over and over in his mind, a word that he had gone so very long without hearing, one that he had never in his life heard with this kind of love.

 

“River,” the Doctor sighs contentedly.  “You are magnificent.”

* * *

 

 

 

River comes down the stairs the next morning to find Amy sitting at the kitchen table giving Anthony a bottle.

 

“What time did he wake you?” River asks, sitting down next to Amy.

 

“Five.  But he only woke up once last night, and Rory fed him then.”

 

“He’s so beautiful.”

 

“Yeah he is.  Just like you were.  I’ll never forget holding you in my arms.  My sweet Melody.”

 

“I’ll never forget it either,” River replies, grateful that her time lord memory allows her to give her mother this bit of comfort.

 

And Amy is looking at River, broken hearted and pensive once more, and oh how River wishes she could take that away.  She hopes that her brother will be able to soothe their mother’s pain.  When Amy speaks, her voice trembles lightly.  “The Doctor told me something once.  That life is a pile of good things and bad things.  The good doesn’t erase the bad.  But the bad doesn’t erase the good either.  Your pile of good is bigger, isn’t it River?”

 

River laughs brightly, and Amy loves the way her daughter’s face lights up when she laughs.  Even if this face isn’t supposed to resemble Amy or Rory, Amy could swear that her daughter has Rory’s smile.  “I told the Doctor that, you know?”

 

“Really?  Could you…would you tell me what you were talking about?” Amy asks.  She considers the Doctor her best friend, but she knows that he shares only small pieces of his life with her.

 

“We were talking about the Time War.  It was a promise that I made him:  that I couldn’t take the bad away, but that I would spend my life trying to add to the pile of good things.”

 

Amy smiles proudly.  “You’re a good wife.  He’s lucky to have you.”

 

“He made me the same promise.  And he’s kept it.”

 

“Oh, he’d better or he’ll have to answer to me.”

 

River chuckles before her face turns serious again.  “You’ve added to my pile of good things too.  You and Dad both.  More than I think you know.”

 

“You’ve added to mine too, River,” Amy says reaching out for her daughter’s hand.  Her brave River, always the strong one.  “So much.”

 

“And Anthony will add to it too,” River says, smiling at the baby.

 

“Have you met him in the future?” Amy asks curiously.

 

“Just once.  Before I found a way to get back to you.”

 

“So when you encouraged me to adopt it was because you knew I already had?”

 

“I knew it would make you happy.  You’re going to raise a good man.”

 

“I don’t know how to thank you, River.”

 

“Best not to try,” River replies.  “You still haven’t figured out how to thank me for you and Dad getting together.”

 

“You have to admit that one was a bit self-serving.”

 

“I suppose it was,” River says, her eyes landing back on Anthony, who has finished feeding and is looking content in his mother’s arms.  “I think it worked out well for all of us.  Wouldn’t you agree Anthony?”

 

“Don’t you start insisting that you speak baby too!”

 

“Oh, that’s utter rubbish.  The Doctor doesn’t speak baby.  Though he may have been reading my thoughts at Demon’s Run, because I’m certain that I would have made a crack about his bowtie even then.”

 

“You two really are perfect for each other.”

 

“His bespoke psychopath,” River says, smiling fondly.  She is still proud of herself for reclaiming the moniker, for creating a loving nickname out of a painful history.

 

“River, you’re not a psychopath!”

 

“I know Mum.  Only teasing.  What do you say we take Anthony for a walk?  It’s a lovely morning.”

 

“That sounds nice.  A walk with my kids.”  Amy glances up at the stairs when she hears footsteps.  “Look who’s awake.”

 

Emma walks into the room, her eyes heavily lidded with sleep, and settles herself on her mother’s lap.  “Good morning my love,” River says before pressing a kiss to her daughter’s temple.  “Did you sleep well?”

 

“Mmhmm,” Emma says closing her eyes.  River’s arms wrap tightly around the little girl.

 

“Grandmum and I were just planning to take a walk with your uncle.  Do you want to come?”  Emma curls further into River’s neck.  “You don’t have to.  You can go back to bed or wake Daddy up.  He slept far too much last night.”

 

“No, I want to come with you.”

 

“Go get your coat and brush your teeth then.”

 

“Muuummm.” Emma whines.

 

“You can fly the TARDIS, but brushing your teeth is too difficult?” River teases, making Emma giggle and stand up.  “That’s my girl.”  River pulls Emma back down for a loud kiss to her cheek.  “Now go get ready.”

 

“She’s amazing,” Amy muses as she watches her granddaughter leave the room.  “I might need you to give me some tips on how you do it.”

 

“Of course, but I don’t think you’ll need it Mother.”  Amy laughs then.  “What?”

 

“We’re going to raise our kids together.”

 

“Too strange for you?” River asks.

 

“We got drunk together as teenagers.  I don’t see why this would be any stranger.”

 

“We do strange very well in this family, don’t you think?” River asks.  “You’re in for quite a ride Anthony Williams.”

 


End file.
